Lyrics
All music and lyrics Copyright 2009 by Ben Ranson
- Eighteen Wheels of Pain (2009)
Eighteen Wheels of Pain
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Forever's often shorter than expected
The end of time shows up on cue
Always is rarely everlasting
And true love is not always true
So when one and only is less than exclusive
Destined is not meant to be
But the fault was all yours that you didn't have a clue
So don't be disappointed with me, no
Don't be disappointed with me
Anything could be done when two hearts beat as one
The whole world was yours to control and command
But the whole thing fell through `cause two hearts beat as two
I guess the world was too heavy for the palm of your hand
Now the sun and the moon have gone missing
And the rivers and the seas are all dried
And the crumbled up mountains are sprinkled
With the stars that fell down and died
The rain and the air and the seasons are gone, but
Why take it so seriously?
The sky up above was green all along
So don't be disappointed with me, no
Don't be disappointed with me
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Turkish Gold and Turkish tar
Drifting softly along the bar
Smelled so good, I wrote this song
About the black gold in my lungs
My ashtray overflowed with Turkish ash
But the jukebox kept on playing Johnny Cash
I lit another cigarette to watch the cherry glow
These Turkish chains won't let me go
A camel walked into the lounge
I hollered, "Barkeep, bring us a round!"
The camel's eyes were bloodshot from the dusty desert wind
While we talked we smoked that mellow Turkish blend
He said he'd been to Holland and Peru
He knew millionaires and artists and a president or two
We traded cigarettes and lies `til sunrise took us by surprise
And he faded away into the Turkish haze
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Moral bonanza
Ain't no Chia Pet; got to keep `em wet
Earthy vermiculite birthday cake mush
Don't let your safari get lost in the bush
Criminal justice
Ain't no vision quest, unexpected guests
Shave and a haircut then in come the po'
Your spiritual fungus won't guide you no mo'
The boomers make you blame the golden snitch
The bond you need won't help you with your itch
Your lawyer sneaks a quick peak at his phone
The stain is blue; it's hard to chew, but now you'll have to choke it down
Penal correction
Ain't no holiday; now you're gonna pay
Salty old inmates goin' give `till it hurts
Their housewarming gifts are too salty for words
Words and music by Ben Ranson
I wanna go to a party tonight
And dance until the break of dawn
Put on your clothes and come along for the ride
My dancing's gonna turn you on
My friends tell me not to - I don't care what they say
My friends tell me not to - `Cause your friends are afraid
They'd have no reason to knock it - No-oh
If they could reel and rock it - Oh-oh
When the band's in the pocket
We're gonna show off our moves no matter who disapproves
Dancing `til you shiver and ache's the only way you relax
I've got to shake it around or else I'm goin' to crack
So na-na-na-na-na-nothing's gonna hold us back
Words and music by Ben Ranson
The sweat rolls down my ribcage
Dripping as I sharpen the blade
Twenty-six inches of steel
It's got to cut clean and straight
Razor-edged determination
The veins in my temples throb
I've got the fever so don-chu try and stop me
`Cause once I start I always finish the job
Ridin' my mower up and over the hill
Choppin' down my worries, tryin' not to sit still
Goin' `round in circles like a turd in a toilet bowl
Rockin' and a-rollin' up and over the hill
I don't get a yearly checkup
I don't turn my head and cough
I don't read Cosmo in the waiting room
`Cause that don't get me off
No need to check my medical records
I can tell you what you wanna know
I got a doctor by the name of John Deere
And all my problems seem to vanish when I throw him in gear
Ridin' my mower up and over the hill (you know I'm ridin'; you know I'm ridin')
Choppin' down my worries, tryin' not to sit still (I can't sit still)
Goin' `round in circles like a turd in a toilet bowl (it's so excitin'; it's so excitin')
Rockin' and a rollin' up and over the hill (yeah...)
Words and music by Ben Ranson
We were havin' a ball
We were havin' a ball
We were havin' a ball
We were doin' the crawl
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Fuzzy like the kiwi, softer than the pear
Sweeter than the honeydew and still without a tear
The lychee juice on my taste-buds, well, it ain't no strawberry wine
I long to plant the pale seed so deep beneath the rind
I know it's there; I know it's there, though what it is I just can't say
So if you won't give it up for me, please don't give it away
Don't give it away
Tangy as the tangerine, ripened on the tree
Tender as the mango or the white-fleshed nectarine
Sticky as the tomatillo, finally legit
It bursts just like the cherry when you bite down to the pit
I know it's there; I know it's there, though what it is I just can't say
So if you won't give it up for me, please don't give it away
Don't give it away
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Scientology baby with the nonsense flow
Banjo playin' dropout with a monkey swingin' low
He was jammin' to some beats in his bong load drawl
When his white-man sound-scam street-rod stalled
The dash was vinyl; he scratched it like a sticker
And out jumped the devil with a case of malt liquor
Smilin' and a-laughin' like a wild hyena
He took Chump Change straight to the arena
Everybody knows the catch; Satan's liquor was laced
Chump spaced `til his manager smacked him in the face
And made him dance with puppets like a novelty act
In pants so tight the bass-player yakked
Then the monkey blacked out on the flying trapeze
And spread his brains on the stage like crackers and cheese
With a packet of mayo it made a funky buffet
Chump started snackin' on the sleazy gourmet
He got so carried away as he scooped up the gore
That the audience demanded a double encore
So he licked off the floor and burped out a poem
Then all of Chump's fans took doggie bags home
Chump was sick of success; his heart burned with regret
So he staggered to his Chevy with a marionette
He threw up his pet and kicked the bitch in the ass
Then he turned the key and he was still out of gas
No, Chump don't hit the dash with your fist
Satan's under the hood and he's gonna be pissed
You swallowed his temptation; now, a deal's a deal
And there's nothin' like a smoke after you've eaten a meal
You're on the highway to hell and Satan's filling your tank
Sea change in your pocket, mellow gold in the bank
All you wanted was to drop it like Dr. Dre
But you sold your soul to yodel and there's hell to pay
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Vision blurred, dirty shirt, coffee pot, parking lot
Diesel smoke, grease-stained, tired, and broke
I woke up with a half-forgotten dream of home in a prison made of steel and chrome
Lit up a cigarette and hit the road
With Willie singin' a song about a cowboy's tribulations and trials
And just sixteen hours to drive this rig seven-hundred miles
If I show up early they'll make me wait and if I'm late they'll be raising Cain
Well, a semi ain't nothin' but eighteen wheels of pain
Eighteen wheels of pain, eighteen wheels of pain
This tractor-trailer is killing me by degrees
And even though I've known all along that jammin' gears means blood, sweat, and tears
There will always be
Another trip out to Radium Springs, another drop to make
It takes every last ounce of strength to face another long night awake
But when the running lights mingle with the desert stars, it's hard to complain
`Cause nothin' else feels like eighteen wheels of pain, no
Nothin' else feels like eighteen wheels of pain
Words and music by Ben Ranson
Eighteen wheels of pain, mama mama now, eighteen wheels of pain
Eighteen wheels of pain, mama mama now, eighteen wheels of pain
I got an urge that I can't explain, papa papa now, an urge that I can't explain
I got an urge that I can't explain, papa papa now, an urge that I can't explain
Eighteen wheels of pain, mama mama now, eighteen wheels of pain
Eighteen wheels of pain, mama mama now, eighteen wheels of pain
Words and music by Ben Ranson
My ears, my ears, my ears
My, my, my, mo, mo, mo
This is the story of an old buffalo
Many years and years ago
He was wild and shaggy, not the strongest but strong
And where the herd went he would follow along
My tears, my tears, my tears
Mo, mo, mo, my, my, my
One by one, he watched as the other bulls died
The years and years went by
Out of the brown, into the gray
At last only he kept the buffalo way
My ears, my ears, my ears
He bellowed with sadness and he bellowed with rage
Teaching buffalo wisdom to calves half his age
My tears, my tears, my tears
Outside he faded while inside he burned
But the time of the buffalo never returned
